oy vey

there's this african-american nurse where i work who constantly says things like "oy vey" and calls me "bubeleh." it's bizzare.

there's actually more to that story, but not now.
my life has gone to insane shit. and i mean insane.

so the move was postponed yet again this weekend, because the apt wasn't ready on sunday when it was supposed to. saturday consisted of me frantically trying to pack and figure out if i was buying a bed or not and move other large furniture around my house. however this only got crazier b/c the day went from- yes, i'm moving to: becca saw the apt and it's still a mess so no i'm not moving yet to: nicole spoke to the landlady who assured her it would be ready by sunday, so nicole is insisting on moving on sunday and in order to share the movers with her i have to move to. but then i was like, fuck this, i'm not moving tomorrow so she agreed to just bring a mattress and sleep there this week and she'd move the rest of her stuff next week.

needless to say, i got there on sunday jsut to check out the place and nicole came a little later but it was clearly in no condition to be slept in so she didn't stay in the end. it's a huge mess and they still have things left to do like painting and installing radiators, filling in a hole in the wall in my room, some painting and staining of doors, putting in the kitchen sink, and A LOT of clean up.

but wait. it gets MUY better. during those several days of craziness, every time i spoke to becca, she was more and more mad at nicole and complaining that nicole was treating her unfairly and violating her, that nicole never listens to her and just yells at her on the phone and she's having serious doubts about livign with nicole at all. i tried to reassure her that everything would be ok (on sat night) and then didn't speak to her again until last night (monday) when she called me.

she called me to tell me that she can't live with nicole and she's pulling out of the lease and getting a subletter before we even move in.
meanwhile, i had been having major doubts about moving for weeks, bc i'm still not sure i want to commit to living in ny for a full year. and i had discussed this with becca. but i assumed that i couldn't actually pull out of the lease a) because it would be incredibly unfair and b) b/c the lease says NO SUBLETS ARE ALLOWED!.

i told becca this- she claimed she hadn't read the part of the lease that said no sublets allowed. she's still insisting that she do this, and it was an incredibly hellish night, one of my worst ever although, i did eventually get to sleep.
i literally almost pulled my hair out. if there was some way i could get out of this, i would. i really would. somehow she's getting out of this, but i'm not allowed to?

i don't understand how anyone could do this, and it's just an unbareably confusing and upsetting thing. i'm so mad yet i keep crying uncontrollably.

MEANWHILE, i had a research meeting at work last week where the Dr. in charge of my study announced (to everyone's surprise) that he wants to end the study immediately and move on to the rest of data collection/analysis and writing the papers. nobody really knew what was going on and my boss said she'd speak to him (he's sort of scatterbrained and she does all the detail work) and see what the hell he was talking about and get back to me. so she just got back to me and said that he wants us to stop recruiting new patients (which is currently the majority of my job) at the end of this week and focus solely on data collection for the existing patients which he thinks is going to take a really long time.

neither my boss nor i quite know what that means yet, but it's going to be a big change for me.

sorry there was no humour in this post. ugh, i don't know what to do, and my life is a huge mess! help!