inferiority & sark

omg! a sark institute!

on making your creative dreams real!

i wanna go! but who the hell can afford several hundred dollars for that...
oh well.

i need sark. maybe it will help me dread this horrid inferiority i'm feeling. at least that's what i thought when i reunited with sark briefly on friday night at abby's, where we had a lil' ladies get together. which was pretty much replicated last night sans abby at lara's, watching kissing jessica stein. abby had both succulent wild woman and eat mangoes naked, while i only have the bodacious book of succulence, bc i gave everyone else succulent wild woman in high school. although faye did give me a book by sark about doing everything you want to do without getting out of bed. uh oh....
maybe that's where i went wrong. i seem to have the misconception that you can actually do that. crap.

AND abby knew what SARK stands for.

but anyway, i feel like sark might get my creative juices flowing. i'm just- my own worst enemy. i'm supposed to be applying for jobs, so i can actually let "the great work begin" but i just keep getting distracted by stupid crap. i spent like half the day reading a fiction book that i'm really into. the longings of women, by marge piercy. who's awesome. i mean, i'm glad i was reading rather than watchign crap i downloaded on computer or something, but still.

and then i do things like look at grace's friend eugene's blog, which is amazing, and just makes me feel uncreative and inferior and....(maybe a little not self-absorbed, but still)

i forgot to bring my digital camera on the road trip, so i can't even do something with that. i'll have to wait for darya to develop her non-digitals and scan them.

i miss my bunnies. i hate this fucking isolated university. but the trip was a nice diversion.

i should stop whining- it's just hard, i don't know. i feel like i waste so much energy on decisions and the facade and being confused, and i wish i didn't. any advice?