lookin for a day job, like bette porter's

just kidding.

coming up soon...pictures from einstein's birthday - 3.14.05

i've made slight progress in the job search, but only very slight- i have a second interview with a vista program in chicago next week, or the week afte spring break , but really i'm quite far behind where i expected to be by spring break- ugh....i REALLY need to get cracking on this or i'm going to prove my family right- i don't know how i let this past month go by without really sending anything out.

i'm not depressed, but i feel this inertia and lack of motivation returning- i sleep too much, i don't go to class or get stuff done until the last minutes (that last part as usual, but somehow it seems different). i feel like the line from angels in america- "well, there's the shit problem, and the weight problem, and the morale problem," but for me it's- "well, there's the shit problem, and the head problem, and the sleep problem, and the job problem..." (and that's about it). although i've been feeling mostly better this week...

but i just can't help getting addicted to these shows about people, and their careers, and their lives, and their relationships- it's a sort of fantasy world, but if i keep sitting around downloading them and watching them, instead of applying for jobs, they will continue to be just that- fantasy worlds. drat.

but ya, so yesterday, i was walking to class and i saw this squirrel (tangent: squirrels, birds chirping, they've been everywhere, so EXCITING! spring is coming methinks. yay. two days till we head south for the week. yay.) standing on top of a round picnic table, near the edge of the table, looking like he might jump off the table into the deep abyss (and bench) below at any moment , and i felt a sort of cameraderie with the squirrel-i feel like all this lack of motivation and not caring, is just part of me being anxious to get out of here. i realized, in that second, (could this SOUND any more dramatic?) that i feel just like that squirrel, but if the squirrel was told he couldn't jump off the table for a while, like he just had to hop around up there, traversing the same ground , the same wooden slats he had already been familar with for two years. i dunno. maybe it's just an excuse but i feel like i'm really ready for my life to begin, and i feel really couped up and anxious to get on with actually being in control of/in charge of my own life.i don't know why i can't do that know- maybe someone insightful can explain that to me, but anyway, ya...

so, i'm a squirrel...