regrets. and so it goes...

just had two opposite yet similar conversations with an old friend who i haven't talked to in maybe a year or more, and my bunnie who is leaving so shortly for bangkok. this passage of time and change leaves me feeling empty and full of regrets.

although both positive and negative, their lives, often full of drama, at least compared to mine, leave me feeling morally inert, incapable of making decisions or experiencing life.

college- you have so many expectations, so many ideas of what it's going to be, and few, if any, fulfilled. what am i moving toward? anything?

i am so excited for my bunnie and her exciting adventures, but at the same time, was hoping to maybe see more of each other as (hopefully) working individuals next year, and that maybe the chance would even come for us to live together. and now she'll be across the world, expanding her ever-rising horizons, while i, doing who-knows-what, continue pining after the adventures which seem to await her every waking moment.

and my other friend, who has had some difficult times recently and previously, has the tortured artist lifestyle i've always envied though for which i'm not willing to sacrifice my sleep, comfort and security. but really, what security do i have now?

nearly none.

only 2 more weeks of security, and that scares me, despite the regrets and the adventure i crave.

and so it goes.